Loving myself?

Feeling numb, alone, bored, whatever. Dissociated. It feels like my body has a mind of its own and I don't have full authority over it. It's like, I could tell it what to do and say but it'll just take them as suggestions, not orders.

Sorta like how modern aircraft fly in autopilot mode. The pilot could jam the stick in one direction, but the plane has a mind of its own and refuses to let the plane pitch up so steeply until it stalls and crashes. But still, the pilot can tell the aircraft where to go and what to do, as long as it's within a reasonable range of actions.

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I steeled myself for a bicycle ride despite still feeling sick, and yay I survived it. Gracefully. At a respectable speed, to boot. I'm so gonna reward myself with a new bike frame or something when I reach 3 out of 4 of my fitness goals. (Top secret, I don't wanna reveal my embarrassing baseline fitness!)



And I had a shower and looked in the mirror and had an epiphany.

I really do look reasonably hunky nowadays, compared to the fat and flabby old days! I've got a picture to prove it, but I'm not posting it here! What were you expecting? Self portraits available on request though.

I should start loving myself.

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Revision for the test is in shambles. Argh.