Unhinged

I've known that my coping resources aren't good, but when things go wrong they really DO go horribly wrong, and there was no way I could have seen it coming.

Experience has made me cold and cynical. I'd speak volumes on it, but I'd get sued considering how the medical industry will spare no effort silencing me in their protectionist fervour.

Let's just say, if I were to manage hospitals, I'd do things differently. Very differently.

And needless to say, this student internship thing is really taking its toll on me. Realising that junior doctors don't get to do proper doctoring, learning about the magnitude of bureaucracy, watching the relentless progress of disease and death, experiencing first hand the risks of working in hospitals, having your genuine efforts demolished by superiors and generally getting unhinged by one disappointment after another. It takes a really strong psyche to be pummeled by all these at the same time.

Problem is, that hypothetical strong psyche is something I don't have. It's doing horrible things to my mood and all I can do is wait out this last week of this nightmare. That's a luxury that I won't get when I start work proper. Perhaps it's the remuneration that keeps workers all around the world moderately sane, despite the frustration and stupidity of their jobs?

5 more days. Please, please let me stay sane despite it all. I've been taking my frustration on family, friends and various users of the road traffic system. And worst of all, my motivation at self preservation is slowly ebbing away. Sigh.