All Rise

The saddest thing today is: during neonatology (the study of baby health and disease) lecture, I let my mind wander and came to comprehend a really sad reality.

I'll never be a baby any more. Or a child. Or even a teenager. Not in this lifetime.

Those memories walking home from school in the rain under the umbrella my mom was holding, sitting at the coffee table building a monorail system using Lego blocks. Are these really all that I can bring along with me from my long-past childhood?



I wish I enjoyed my childhood more. Given a chance, I'd go right back there and play with the toys that I had missed, all those Transformers and video games and stuff. But it's all too late. I'll never be a child any more.



I'd rant about how we never had any real responsibilities as a kid, how we could get away thinking that ice cream after dinner meant EVERYTHING to us right there and then, and I'd reminisce about how, back then, our minds were pure and innocent and we never thought (or even do) the devious and selfish things we do now.

But I know you feel the same way, and I'll spare you the painful agony of recalling that.

==

Long story cut short, today's school was frustrating. You know how we have quotas for stuff like evaluation forms? We hand them to a senior doc to ask him to assess us on how we do our history taking in the medical interview and physical examination skills. And I feel like I'm getting nowhere, not being able to get quotas fulfilled at all, while the days pass by all the same. And with quotas like this comes the undercurrent of competition within the classmates, where everyone's secretly trying to finish their quotas before the others do, and if anyone else is further ahead, you can often see a streak of jealousy flash in their eyes.

Fighting fires at school everyday. Trying to keep afloat, trying to make sense of the syllabus. It's exhausting. I try to humour myself, acting like the crazy aloof guy who's always having a quirky take on things.

It was neonatology tutorial and I totally embarrassed myself wrestling with a baby that's nearly 4kg. Oh well, I was nearly 4kg myself when I was born. And no sumo wrestling jokes, please.

School's frustrating.

My friend still insists that I've got a girlfriend; he says I have a look of bliss and love whenever I tap out a message on my phone. That and the long calls where I disappear off to answer...

==



Went to look for Ryan.



He's doing fine! And see my eyebags. Having days that start at 7.30am, in a place that's 1 hour away from home, it's taking a toll. Especially when I wake up in empty upper decks of buses without realising I had fallen asleep.



For those who think that I was crazy for buying my watch. Nyah nyah. It's featured in Men's Health so it can't be all that unfashionable! KC 1 Naysayers 0.

==



Acting like a geeky Smeagol. My preschious! I'm stoning in front of the computer again. Exhausted.